Our Man James takes a tour of some of the Classic Car Auctions to look more at their individuality rather than their vehicles on offer at any particular time. Auction reports are freely available in the classic motoring press but little is said about the actual make up of the organisation and the atmosphere they generate.

For this purpose, under consideration, are the Auctions held outside the M25. The reason is that central London is so full of things that can fine you and remove your license that it seems safer to stay outside. An exception is;

Barons; www.barons-auctions.com or tel; 09454 306060.

operating out of the Surrey Hall at Sandown Park racecourse, Esher and founded in 1998, here is an attractive venue with plenty of parking for customer’s cars. Jaguars seem to be a firm favourite and plenty of knowledge seems available on the marque.

Anglia Car Auctions; www.angliacarauctions.co.uk  tel; 01553 771881

In purpose built premises on outskirts of Kings Lynn. On site catering and toilets with customer’s car park. Large selection of vehicles and minimalist catalogue. Experienced Auctioneer. 5% buyer’s premium is attractive. Own transport and storage.

Brightwells.;  www.brightwells.com  tel:01568 611122

Excellent purpose built site with modern auction rooms, drive through hall etc. Cars usually displayed inside with large customer car park available. Good cafe and separate coffee stand. Duo of auctioneers maintain steady pace if a little lacking in humour. A good day out but a little more serious than others.

Dorset Vintage and Classic Auctions Ltd. www.dvca.co.uk   tel: 01963 363353

A firm favourite in the West Country. Run by the Chant family of husband, wife and daughter, with a few friends and helpers on sale days. Brian Chant is a former racer who competed strongly in his Alvis and knows the world of Classic Cars very well.. Four sales are held each year in the grounds of the Gartrell Light Railway, near Yenston in Somerset. Here good humour mingles with enthusiasm and plenty of business is done under a fine old marquee. The nearby Light Railway Restaurant provides some of the best snacks on the auction circuit. Auctioneer Fabian Hine combines rich humour with gentle finess. No wonder he is also used at Barons and Brooklands too. Far from the pressures of the City, this is a place to relax and enjoy buying or selling your Classic.

H & H: www.handh.co.uk  tel: 08458334455.

With a main office just outside Warrington, HndH are spreading their net beyond the main venue at The Pavilion in Buxton. This fine building is an impressive choice, with gardens and shops near at hand for the rest of the family to enjoy. The busy cafe is pleasant and the local ice cream particularly good. Cars are shown off very well in the elegant surroundings, with the better offerings in the Pavilion itself. Simon Hope is a keen motoring enthusiast, competing in races and on the last Peking Paris Rally. Knowledgeable and an Auctioneer, who manages to combine a business like approach with a neat injection of good humour. An enjoyable day out.Now spreading their wings with various fresh venues.

Herefordshire Vintage Auctions; www.hvauctions.com. tel: 01432 273373

Advertised as a sale for Enthusiasts run by Enthusiasts, at a venue which really should be visited. Set in the outbuildings of a magnificent Elizabethan country house,known as How Capel Court, with a mass of automobilia offered in what appears to be a modest Theatre, complete with stage and some scenery. Outside dotted around the yard, are the cars, mostly pre-war and interesting. Bacon butties and snacks are available on site and there is a wonderful atmosphere and certainly great enthusiasm as advertised. Strong Auctioneer who seems to be able to manage without much electrical assistance.

Matthewsons: www.matthewsons.co.uk.

Based on a village garage in Thornton -le -Dale in Yorkshire, with the actual sale in the Village Hall opposite, this is a relatively new auction Venue. To visit Thornton-le-Dale is a positive delight anyway, with a purpose built village car park and ample restaurants and tea rooms to provide refreshment for the weary punter. Cars are stacked around the garage premises with overspill around the village hall. Take care in crossing the road in between and you will have a pleasant day.

South West Vehicle Auctions; www.swva.co.uk. tel; 01202 745466

Known for its regular sales of modern cars, but with a Principal who is clearly a Classic Car Enthusiast, this is a well run operation not far from the picturesque Poole Harbour. Cars are driven through the Sale room and two Auctioneers keep up a good rate of sale. Cars are on view around the main building and can be stored in adjoining premises before or after a sale. Good canteen facilities and a business like air to the place.

Woodmans; www.woodmans-auctions.com  tel; 07766 811402

Very new to the Auction world with a sporty venue at Thruxton Circuit near Andover. Well presented cars in smart surroundings with well groomed young staff members. The Circuit cafe is on hand for refreshments

Sadly when Our Man Jam drove to Thruxton to view the second Woodmans auction, there was no sign of anyone or any vehicle. It would have been nice to know if it had been cancelled as precious fuel was used in the process.

Our Man James will try and sample more Auction Venues and if anyone has a particular favourite, do please tell.

Our Man James looks at ways you can enjoy motoring again in your Classic Vehicle. You have become used to the boring daily commute, school run or the weekend visits to in-laws, great aunts etc, but are you actually having fun along the way. No of course not, the car you are in is utterly reliable, you are often in heavy traffic or if the road is open, there are sneaky cameras about to stop you speeding or doing anything exciting.

There are plenty of ways of enjoying Classic Motoring. You just need to decide which is for you;

Local Natter and Noggin; there is bound to be a pub near you, at which a local car club will meet each month just to have a good chinwag and swap fibs.There will be a local branch of the Vintage Sports Car Club, an M.G. or Triumph Club and an Austin Seven Club for sure, and there will be others. The D.V.L.A. produced a list of Vehicle Owners Clubs V765/1. Is it still available?

The Classic Vehicle Show; There is bound to be one near you. It is hoped to list some soon but for now take a look in your local paper or Classic Car Magazine. Entry is often free but in many cases it is best to book in in advance. Arrive with car, picnic  gear and an open mind. Enjoy wandering amongst fellow enthusiasts and if you have joined a certain club, find their stand and have a chat. Some shows have an arena and you will be invited to drive your car around it for the enjoyment of the assembled company. You may make new friends, will not have parted with a lot of money and should return home with a smile. A favorite in the south is the Easter Monday gathering at Wyke Down near Andover or  the Bristol Classic Car Show at Shepton Mallet on 21/22nd could be for you.

If you like aeroplanes too, a visit to Popham near Basingstoke on 7th May, is a must.

The Rally or Road Run; this usually involves more effort on the part of your vehicle as you actually progress along a prescribed route, mostly made up of country lanes with nice things to look at, with perhaps a congenial stop for refreshment along the way. Some runs are more demanding than others. In the south maybe look at The  Bean Car Club Daffodil Run ( Maidenhead to Christchurch), passing through some lovely countryside including the New Forest. This year it is on April 22nd.

For those more confident there is Le Jog, a run from Lands End to John o Groats, you can try a Continental Tour, which is usually well organised with plenty of support along the way, too much to eat and drink, great company and wonderful scenery. The most ambitious will try the Peking to Paris three week run, but maybe not quite yet.

Competition. If you have the appropriate vehicle, a race meeting, sprint or hillclimb perhaps? Try a Track Day which will give you an idea of what is involved. Contact one of the racing circuits for details.

The Vintage Sports Car Club caters for all manner of competitive events, from racing to sporting trials. If you fancy a go at the latter and again have the right vehicle, these promise enormous enjoyment at rather less expense than out and out racing. The Midland Car Club has been running Trials for almost 100 years. Their three main events are well worth a look in Derbyshire and the West Country. At 3a.m. on a crisp Easter Sunday there is nothing quite like waiting on Beggar’s Roost for the first competitor to give it their all. The number of spectators who will arrive out of the mist , is quite extraordinary.

Our Man James  is happy to offer further help and advice on what is on and where. To make a complete list would be great but if you want to learn more just ask. Equally if you wish to promote an event, why not send details?

Some of us may need an excuse for owning a Classic Vehicle, which will satisfy one’s beloved that there is a justification in having this additional member of the family, which may be consuming much of one’s time and not a little extra expense. Those with a more enthusiastic partner may be able to get away with a vague reference to the elderly devourer of garage space as simply being an ‘investment’ or a ‘pension fund’.

Our Man James has found that many would -be enthusiasts do indeed need to show some form of advantage in owning something which after all, is probably going to cause one’s partner a good measure of discomfort and distress in the course of ownership. It can become not so much a talking point, but a cause of fairly serious family discord.

Therefore it is prudent to try and demonstrate that ‘the old girl’ can produce a modest income to help defray expenses.So can we look at ways this might be achieved?

Wedding Hire;

Many good people have turned to this idea with mixed results. Our Man James suggests that not only are there too many cars chasing too few weddings, but the amount of work involved and actual capital tied up in vehicle(s), cleaning materials, fake flowers, ribbons etc, does not represent a reasonable return on energy and cash deployed.

Also it will be noted that whereas there was a tendency for a church service to precede a reception at a desirable venue, the owners of such desirable venues seem to have managed to acquire the necessary legal status, to conduct the wedding on site, thereby obviating the need for traditional transport from church to reception. Thus less classic vehicles are required to perform such a service. You might think that you could offer to take the newlyweds to an airport or suchlike, but beware, whilst both insurance companies and local authority private hire license officials will usually allow the trip from church to reception and indeed collection of bride from home to church, once you go beyond this , the rules change. You will need a private hire license and special insurance.

Then one must consider if the vehicle is actually reliable enough to perform correctly throughout the day, often in extremes of heat, wet etc. Our Man James has suffered the humiliation of having a bride and her father push start a reticent De Dion Bouton down the family driveway. On another occasion a magnificent Vauxhall Grosvenor Limousine had a puncture on leaving a country church. Fortunately the assembled company were strapping farmers and they lifted the car and replaced the wheel in a time which would have been awesome to a Formula One pit crew.

Then there is the physical effort involved. The car must be not only perfect mechanically but it must be immaculate inside and out. Nothing worse than a bride going up the aisle with a muddy patch on her expensive dress, or as in one case a blackened backside, where an operator had thoughtfully polished the leather seat with boot polish beforehand.

If you suffer from nerves, particularly stage fright, this is not for you. It is so important that nothing goes wrong that it usually does. Brides have appeared at a different church to their groom, bridesmaids and mothers of the bride have been stranded far from the target area and all manner of disasters have been known to occur.

Wedding Hire is thus not for the faint hearted and in any case is probably well catered for already by long established firms, with well trained staff and the all important backup cars.

Filmwork then?

The world of films and T.V. sounds romantic and for a few moments of fame, anything seems worthwhile. The 6.30a.m. call to a set in the back of beyond, can lead to a day of total boredom, awaiting the cue for man and vehicle to take part, which may not happen for several hours. A scene is usually shot more than once and sometimes very many times, with a variety of earnest looking people being very polite but telling you to do something different each time. It is great to have your brief moment on camera, but much of your work will not make it to the final cut. Moneywise it can be quite rewarding, especially if you are producing the lead vehicle, to be driven by the hero/heroine.

There are firms that specialize in finding vehicles for film sets. Some will buy a car but more often they will rent it by the day. Good firms will collect your car, look after it and return it to you, usually in good order. Some come back covered in a special effects type gunge which can be hard to remove. Make sure you are dealing with a reputable firm with proper insurance.

Clearly there will be other ways of helping to justify the cost of your Classic Vehicle. Our  Man James welcomes any other ideas which might serve to keep a partner happy that the brute is not just a drain on resources.

Generally Classic Car owners are treated kindly by insurance companies, probably on the grounds that they are going to look after their vehicle, cherish it and generally drive it in a sensible way so as to maintain its condition. Hence we see some very realistic premiums being quoted for cars that are 10 years old or older.

Certainly if you are needing a second car for a member of the family, it is well worth considering a Classic Vehicle. Indeed it is thought that this is one way a young driver can get started with his/her own car. A Morris 1000 or A35 is an extremely useable car and can be insured for less than £100 per annum for a normal driver. It is worth asking for a quote for a young driver for such a vehicle. It may prove cheaper than the favoured Vauxhall Corsa. O.K. junior’s street cred may suffer but it is ‘wheels’ and ‘wheels’ means freedom.

There are a number of Firms specialising in Classic Car Insurance and Our Man James has listed a few, leaving out those who will not accept drivers over 75 on the grounds of discrimination.

Adrian Flux                                  http://www.adrianflux.co.uk/classics

Carole Nash                                http://www.carolenash.com/other-insurance/classic-car

Classic Car Insurance                http://www.classicscarinsurance.co.uk/

Hagerty                                        http://www.hagertyinsurance.co.uk/

Heritage                                       http://www.heritage-quote.co.uk

Unlike water troubles, electrical troubles may be harder to spot. An egress of water is pretty obvious, but the lack of electricity where there should be some is a mystery. At this point Our Man James advocates the summoning of an expert, who will arrive with various probes and meters, suck his teeth and tell you its going to be expensive.

Basically the older the car, the simpler the electrics. You might have a magneto, which produces a spark and dispenses it to the plugs, or you might have a coil, which bungs a charge at the distributor for onward transmission to the plugs.

Then there are the ancillaries, lights, wipers, horn etc, which will run via a system of wires, known as the loom and take power either from the battery or if the engine is running via a dynamo or alternator. The wires were originally colour coded, so that you can trace an individual circuit in attempt to find a fault.

For those of a more practical nature, fixing an electrical fault is no more difficult than solving the odd murder, you narrow down the suspects until you find the culprit. Trouble is, just as it is possible for a murder suspect to inflict harm on a pursuer, so it is possible to for an electrical fault to inflict a good measure of pain and distress on the investigator. Shocks, burns and fire damage are not unheard of.

If you are unsure about your wiring , you may like to make contact with an enthusiastic family firm, who are producing large scale wiring diagrams for the popular classic cars. Currently they can cater for over 100 makes and models, so it is worth giving them a try. The wiring diagrams are printed on magnetic paper, so you can simply attach them to a metal bonnet whilst you work. They also produce an easy reference manual, containing a detachable wiring diagram plus lots of useful information about the servicing needs of your vehicle.Have a look at    www,framebook.co.uk

Our Man James would welcome input and advice about electrical problems. A simple discourse on Magnetos, Dynamos etc would be useful. Likewise if you have an electrical problem, someone might spark up with the answer.

Normally when you purchase a vehicle, it should be accompanied by a registration document (V5C), showing that its details are recorded at D.V.L.A. in Swansea. You are obliged to notify Swansea if you change anything to do with the vehicle, ownership, colour, engine etc. Watch out for new rules for scrapping a vehicle, although hopefully this will not apply to Classic Vehicles.

Where a vehicle is imported from abroad and is to be used on British Roads, it will need to be registered.

Where a vehicle has been ‘discovered’ often without paperwork, it will be necessary to make contact with Swansea to obtain a registration number and it is important to ask for a registration number which relates to the age of the vehicle.

In both of the above cases you will find that there is a Local Vehicle Registration Office near you and it is worth a visit. You should be furnished with the appropriate set of forms, which you complete and hand in. It is likely that you will be required to present your vehicle for inspection at some stage and this is best done by trailering it to the requisite location. Driving it there may well be illegal and will not be popular in most cases.

Some people are better at dealing with paperwork than others and for those who become distressed by the sight of an official looking form, then worry not help is at hand. There is a man who appears to have made a lifetime study of matters D.V.L.A and can cope with the myriad of officialdom with consummate ease.His knowledge of elderly vehicles is legendary, so Our Man James recommends that you contact Michael Worthington-Williams at   worthycomments@btconnect.com .

Rather like acquiring a new pet, you need to know quite quickly just what is good for it and what will upset it.

So it is with your Classic Vehicle, it will thrive on the right lubricants and may become expensive on the wrong ones. Our Man James takes a look at those available and gives heed to advice gained over the years.

Environmental Note; You already have a vehicle which was constructed prior to the global warming issue becoming so important. You may therefore feel obliged to use the eco -friendly fuels and oils, to make amends for your social transgression in acquiring such a device in the first place. Our Man James is sympathetic to the green issues but would rather not see the roadsides littered with broken Classic Vehicles, thereby adding further abuse to the environment.

Since the latter part of the last millennium, cars have acquired cats, not the type which regularly find warmth under the bonnet of vehicles in the Motor House and have to be ejected therefrom, but things that reduce the harmful emissions from the engine by means way beyond the writer’s expertise. ( cue for a boring blog perhaps). Using a special high tech oil suitable for cats, in an old engine can be a mistake.

Thoughts on making the right choice.

Firstly, if in the excitement of acquiring your Classic you can remember, ask the vendor what oils he has used and where. This will save time and give you a clue as to whether or not he/she has maintained the car in a sensible manner.

Secondly look in the Instruction book or better still, the Workshop manual, if the car comes with one. If not contact the owner’s club and find out if you can obtain one. If none available, ask the Club’s technical expert. Don’t be shy, he should know.

Generally speaking prewar cars and some of those built in the fifties and sixties, will probably fare best on straight 30 grade oil in winter and 40 grade in summer. These are available from the likes of Castrol, Penrite, Millers, Morris etc. They will not necessarily be cheap in comparison to budget 20/50′s and sundry other multigrades, but engine rebuilds are not cheap either.

Remember the oil changes in those times were carried out every three thousand miles or so, unlike modern cars which seem to survive for 20,000 miles between services. Also be aware that cars of the older type, will be a mite incontinent and probably burn a bit, so it is important to check the oil level regularly, i.e. at least once a week.

Modern multigrades contain detergents amongst other things. Hence that bit of sludge you have minding its own business in one corner of the sump, can with a modern multigrade, be seized and flung into some more important part of the works, causing blockage or worse.

Careful how you use running- in oil on a newly rebuilt engine with white metal bearings as opposed to shells. It can have the effect of eating away at your nice new white metalling.

If you are not sure what oil is in the various parts of your new acquisition, it may be worth draining everything out, consult the manual/club expert, as to what should go where, note it down and put what you know is right where you know it should be.

Fuel;

Early cars ran on unleaded. It was not until 1933 that lead arrived in petrol. In those days however you had to de-carbonise your engine about every 10,000 miles. This involved removal of the cylinder head, carefully scraping the carbon deposits off the top of the pistons, removing the valves and likewise cleaning them and re grinding them into their seats. The seating of the valves ensured that nothing leaked past the valves and a perfect flush fit was everything. Lead lubricated the valves and seats and helped to extend the period needed between de-carbonising. Modern fuels made the process redundant.

Enter the Green Party and eco- warriors. Lead quickly became bad news and had to go.  Engines without hardened valve seats were most at risk, but many could continue to be used on the new unleaded fuel. There are firms which will convert a cylinder head to take unleaded fuel and there are various additives one can use to replace the lead. Again this is a good moment to ask your Technical expert of the Club for advice.

One of the biggest issues at this time is the government’s desire to increase the amount of ethanol in petrol. This environmentally friendly idea is causing problems with the older vehicle as this substance appears to attack certain rubber and other seals and it has been reported that it will eat through a motorcycle’s fibregalss fuel tank with disastrous results.

Certainly there appears to be an upsurge in fuel related problems in the classic car world.Where a rusty fuel tank has been treated with a sealant, it seems that the ethanol breaks down this sealant, blocking fuel lines, jets and so forth. There is an upsurge in the demand for new fuel tanks. The F.B.H.V.C.* is combating the use of ethanol on behalf of the classic car movement. Comments and updates welcomed.

Good News- Well done F.B.H.V.C.

Despite there being an E.U. directive to have a 10% target on biofuel use by 2020, the Department of Transport have deferred their plans to double the maximum amount of Ethanol in our petrol. It has been pointed out that some 4 million vehicles will be severely affected by the new E10 fuel. The F.B.H.V.C. is currently testing suitable additives to combat the use of Ethanol. Meanwhile it appears that if in doubt use petrol with a minimum octane of 97 RON or more as so far these are ethanol free.

Hydraulics;

The introduction of synthetic oils for hydraulic brakes and clutch systems throws up another question. How suitable are these in the older car? The earlier hydraulic systems were a bit prone to sticking pistons in the wheel cylinders, especially if the vehicle was left unused for a period. Apparently changing to a synthetic hydraulic oil can help. Our Man James welcomes further thoughts on this and all matters relating to lubricants, greases and so forth.

____________________________________________________________________________

*Federation of British Historic Vehicle Clubs aka ‘FBHVC’

This is the organisation which represents our fancy with the Government’s various forms of legislation and administration. It runs a most informative and factual website wherein may be found data on such hot topics as Bio Fuel, and the addition of ethanol with the associated problems that this occasions.

_____________________________________________________________________________

It is worth half an hour’s browse at this address …..

http://fbhvc.co.uk/

You have purchased your Classic Vehicle. How are you getting it home or do you need to move it from one place to another for repair or restoration?

If you are sufficiently confident in the vehicle and your journey is not too irksome, then by all means with the insurance, road fund tax and M.O.T. in place, drive it. Our Man James outlines a few thoughts on transporting your classic car:-

Remember the age of the car. It probably was not designed for the long, fast dash up the motorway. If an elderly engine is run at constantly high speed, something will break. At the very least remember to lift your foot off the throttle from time to time, to allow the oil to reach places which will become starved of lubrication. A surge of oil through the system will be very beneficial. If you are not really used to the period controls and behavior of an old car then it is sensible to have it transported, or if you have access to a good tow vehicle and trailer, then fetch it by all means. Again check with your insurance company that you are covered to tow a trailer. You will need to have suitable straps and be aware of legislation affecting the towing of a trailer. Check on the weight of the loaded trailer to make sure it does not exceed the recommended towing weight of the towing vehicle. Did you know that a trailer is not allowed in the outside lane of a motorway? Once the car is home you are on territory you know and you can bond with your car in familiar surroundings.

Alternatively there are plenty of reliable Transport firms and individuals who will move the car for you. Make sure they have the correct Goods in Transit insurance and obtain a quote for the job. It may be possible on the longer runs to negotiate on a ‘return load ‘ basis, wherein your vehicle is collected at a time when the Transport firm has a lorry going in the appropriate direction. For continental work there are firms who specialize in long haul work taking several vehicles at one time. Fuel costs are rising all the time so it is hard to predict how much you should pay.

Do make a point of checking that your chosen Transport Firm has a valid Goods in Transit Insurance Policy

Shipping a vehicle abroad or bringing one in needs help from specialist Shipping agents, When buying a car from Australia you need to build in shipping costs, including all relevant port dues, insurance and Customs Duty. To all  this needs to be added V.A.T., normally at the current 20%. Certain historic vehicles attract a lower rater of V.A.T. which does help.

Our Man James welcomes queries on vehicle movement, shipping etc and in time will seek to offer links to specialist Firms.

Our Man James admits to a weakness for three wheeled vehicles and remembers a few which have passed through. Where are they now.?News and sitings would be welcomed. If you have a favorite, please tell all. (photos by kind permission of Pioneer Automobiles, whose archive is well worth a visit, as indeed is the Website    www.pioneer-automobiles.co.uk)

The Busy Bee,

built in 1919 as a single seater with lovely odeon style cockpit, this little gem was asdly in need of restoration when last seen . It may be in the west country and hopefully it has found the t.l.c. it deserved. It is said that it had covered some 250,000 miles before the outbreak of W.W.2.

The 1978 A.B.C. basically a mini with two wheels at the front and one at the rear. Last seen heading towards the U.S.A.

The 1970 A.F. Spyder Sport 

Made in small numbers, this particular one built for F1 team boss Colin Crabbe with generous cockpit and with performance and handling way beyond its appearance. Tuned mini cooper engine and mostly marine ply. Last seen in the Wirrall.

Berkeley T60

A handful of these powered by the Excelsior two stroke air cooled engines have been enjoyed. Strong following from home and abroad

.Bond;

The Microcar of the 1960′s had a diminutive air cooled engine of 125c.c.No reverse gear

The later Ranger featured a detuned Hillman Imp engine of 875c.c. and is capable of 80 m.p.h.

B.S.A. great Morgan competitor. Excellent 1100c.c. air cooled V twin engine or later with  perhaps less appealing Ford sidevalve power.

Citroen Lomax;

simple and sturdy fibreglass body with Citroen 2.c.v. air cooled twin up front

Hudson Free Spirit

single seater of superb quality. Renault five power plant. Last seen en route to Sweden.

J.Z.R. happy memories of a Morgan look a like with Honda 500c.c. power.

Later ones had bigger engines. Excellent build quality and good performance.

Mochet. 

technically a four wheeler but with back wheels very close together. French with very small air cooled single cylinder engine. Last heard of in Herefordshire

Morgan. The best known in the sporting field. You can buy a new one if you have a spare £30,000.

Raleigh

Light delivery van built with motorcycle running gear. Actually had a steering wheel.

Reliant;

one of the best known British maker of three wheelers. See Dell- boy’s van but this is the Ant and rarer.

1930 Sandford 

1100c.c. french version of the Morgan, considered more sophisticated. Cockpit like a Tiger Moth.

There are many more three wheelers about  If you have one please tell us about it

In which Our Man James seeks to recover some of the lesser known Motoring stories, the accuracy of which are not totally guaranteed. They will probably not have appeared in the media, rather have just slipped out during a period of relaxation between polishing etc .

Feel free to add to these gems so that they are not lost .

There is for instance the tale of the Butler of a Great House ( not Jeeves), who having had a disaster on the horses, ran off with the family jewels. He was quickly apprehended one morning and taken to the local police station. At tea time the Mistress of the house realized to her horror that there was no one to serve afternoon tea, so she hurried to the police station, withdrew all charges and brought the butler home. The butler in question served his mistress for over 60 years until her death. The jewels were never recovered and nothing more was said.

The Mistress was given a brand new Talbot 8/18 shortly after her wedding in1923. She had a problem with gear changing which remained with her throughout her life. It is said that her Morris 1000 never actually reached fourth gear and when challenged, the Mistress would say that she liked the sound of the engine best in third. At times the butler was employed as chauffeur to drive the Morris 1000. On a picnic one day in the Derbyshire Dales there is a fond memory of the Mistress and her guests, taking cucumber sandwiches in the car, whilst the butler/chauffeur stood dutifully outside until the meal was finished. Alas it can snow very hard in the Derbyshire Dales so the unfortunate man had turned to a snowman by this time. He brushed himself down and took the party home without a murmur of complaint.

__________________________________________________________________________

"Perryman Platz"

- - - - -   An Austin Seven tale of skill, daring, and intrigue!  - - -
- -

Colin used to own an Austin Seven called 'Bunny'.   It was quite a rare
machine; a Gordon England Cup Model, manufactured in 1928.   Like all
Sevens it had the most direct steering ever invented, coupled with
practically no brakes at all.   Like a lot of small vehicles of the era
the hand-brake operated the front brakes only, whilst the foot brake
functioned purely on the rears.

About a month after I had passed my driving test, in 1954, Colin  rang
me up to enquire if  I was willing to put my new found skills to good
use.    The plan was to save him having to pay road fund tax for Bunny
to travel just the few miles from Sheen, where he then lived, to Slough
Farm.   The execution of this plan was to be that he should tow me with
the company Morris Minor, that he then drove.   (Company Morris Minor -
how things have changed.)    The object was to compete in a production
car trial.    Well you know how it is. Offer any young fellow a drive in
any vehicle at that stage of his driving career and he will jump at the
chance!

So it was, then, that the following Sunday lunch-time found us tying the
two vehicles together with the thickest piece of rope that ever moored a
battleship. "We won't go round the bypass" said Colin "it will be
quieter through Kingston."    We set off, with me trying desperately to
keep the rope tight, whilst steering a very erratic course in the wake
of the Minor.   All went fairly well  for a few miles.   I only got
within two and a half inches of the Minor's back bumper about six or
seven times, and all the while the brakes were getting warmer.   Brake
fade is not a term which you hear very often these days, and is an
experience to which those who have not driven an elderly vehicle will
ever have been subjected.    The brakes, when they got hot, were like
you did not have any!

As we got up Facett Road behind the 'Tech ( sorry - University now )
Colin had to stop fairly smartly.   I had as much chance of pulling up
behind him as the proverbial snowball in hell.   With quick thinking, or
more-probably with just blind terror, I pulled out , avoided his  bumper
and came to rest alongside him. The rope entwined round just about
anything that stuck out!    Colin, those of you who knew him will
remember, did not flap easily.    With great aplomb he wound down his
window, bid me a cheery good afternoon, and queried "What are you doing
there?"    So there we were, parked next to each other, and tied firmly
together like a pair of kippers.   We dismounted, untangled the rope,
realigned the vehicles, tied them back together, and continued the
journey.

There were a couple of other incidents, by comparison fairly minor, on
the remainder of the journey, and finally we arrived at Farmer Telling's
field.    The phrase 'mechanically if not mentally intact' comes to
mind.

It was my first visit to a Malden and District event, and thus was both
character building and habit forming.   I spent the afternoon as bouncer
and passenger in a TC MG belonging to Pip ( surname forgotten ).    The
event was organised  I think by Walter Ruskin, and the entry of about a
dozen or so vehicles included such luminaries as Bill Thrust, Robert
Barnstable, Eve Hawkings and Ian Bell.

Then it was time to return home. Tow rope was re-tied, lights were
switched on ( do you remember six volt lights? ) and we set of  as the
dusk came upon us.   It was always a necessary part of the plot to
attend the local hostelry prior to undertaking the return journey
proper. ( Oh! for the days before the breathalyser )   Finally we were
on the way.   Obviously the forward journey had taught us a lot, for the
return was completed practically without hitch.

I say practically as there was a fairly major problem when we were only
about half a mile from Colin's home.   The problem was a dear old lady.
As we were waiting at the Black Horse to turn right into Upper Richmond
Road she appeared.   She hovered.   She dithered.   I by this time had
learned to keep the rope taught.   She stepped between the two cars,
tripped on the rope and went base-over-apex down onto the ground.   I
was out so quickly it was untrue in order to stop Colin pulling away -
which I achieved.   We picked her up and sat her on a nearby seat.   The
poor dear was complaining of her arm, which it later transpired she had
broken.    Colin went off and phoned for an ambulance  ( when did they
invent mobile phones? ), which I seem to remember took a long time to
arrive.    Pam comforted the old lady whilst Colin and I moved the
vehicles out of the way.

Whilst we waited for the ambulance, and the inevitable policeman  ( who
turned up on a push bike - and no he didn't cuff us round the ear with
his rolled up cape ) I made the tow rope belatedly more visible with my
handkerchief. Finally the ambulance arrived , the old lady received good
attention, and we all went home.

The ramifications of this incident were tremendous.    Colin's firm were
not too amused that he was even towing another vehicle with their car,
let alone having accidents with it!   Colin's firm's insurers were even
less impressed, and suggested that Bunny's insurers should become
involved!!   Then there was the untaxed status of Bunny - the policeman
on his bike was quite interested in this particular particular!!!
After many months it got sorted out and we put it all down to experience
- in my case the first experience of having to produce my new driving
licence.   So far as we know the old lady received an adequate payment
in compensation and her arm was completely healed.

Oh! yes.   Why the strange title to this little story?   Well, the lady
was named Miss Perryman.    Colin and I always referred to that corner
as Perryman Platz from that day forward.

--
Mike Whittome

__________________________________________________________________

Resource Management

Last October the Wall Street Journal published an article showcasing
 the most innovative and interesting uses of prison labour - restoring
 classic cars.
Outside Las Vegas, at Nevada's Southern Desert Correctiona Center,
medium security inmates are given the option of working in the prison
body shop, restoring old cars. At the time of writing the shop had 3
cars in various stages of restoration.
The prison body shop, known for the advertising motto 'we have the time
 to do it right', made the Nevada Department of Corrections some one
hundred and thirty thousand dollars last year, whilst teaching inmates
new skills and bringing old cars back to life.

Are you reading this Home Secretary?